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I want to scream at her, that she can't understand how I feel. That there were nights that I couldn't SLEEP. That one time I found an audio file with my name on it on my computer, clicked on it, and heard her voice telling me how much she loved me, that she wished I didn't have to work so hard... and I broke down and cried. FOR TWENTY MINUTES. How I had to build a wall and keep the emotions away, until I could deal with them, and slowly rebuilding my life. How could this... this figment of my imagination tell me that I hadn't gone through all the emotions of my breakup?But after taking a deep breath and preparing to blast my muse with a stream of invective so profane that it would make a Marine drill Sergeant blush and cover his ears... I take a look inside of my soul. And I realize she's right. There's still something there, and I don't know what it is, or how to get it out. And I look back at my muse, as she sits on the corner of my computer table, her auburn hair framing her. Once I had the ice out of the glass and in my hand I started banging iton the corner post of the railing that went around the playpen. Then Itried using my teeth to break it apart even more. I was finally able toget the key free from the ice. Thank God! So I grabbed the key, and wentto unlock the padlock, but for some reason it wasn't working. It was hardtrying to work on the lock, because it was behind my back. But I couldfeel that the key was going into the lock ok, only the key wasn't turningor working. Now what's wrong that the key won't unlock the padlock? Themore I worked at the lock, the more I started getting frustrated that itdidn't work. Just about then I thought I heard someone or something at the back door,but I knew I had locked up the house, and it was only a little after 1pm.I knew noone was supposed to stop by, and Jackie wouldn't be home fromher trip till tomorrow. Maybe it's the UPS guy leaving stuff on the backdeck like he always does for us, or I'm nervous and.
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