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The kids married, got jobs, bought houses and blessed me with grandchildren. For seven years hubby and I traveled, not just to the San Francisco Bay Area, Los Angles, New York but Asia, Europe, South America. Life was good. A few grey hairs, so what? Nothing a hairdresser couldn't fix.Then came the warnings, hot and cold but brushed aside. Soon after my fifty-third birthday, however, it didn’t happen. It wobbled, then it was a no show.My period missed, not one month but the next and by the third I knew, puberty in reverse, part of me gone, eggless, post-menopausal. I fretted and checked there were no sprouting lip hairs in the mirror and worried.Am I still a woman?Compounding my doubts, was hubby's declining libido, from twice a week to once or less, his saddle lacking its firm horn. Uninterested in foreplay, it switched from booty to duty call. He surreptitiously viewed porn to prep himself for his duty.Can I blame him? Who wants an old woman?On the plus side, my face expressed. That was when I read my note, which I hidden in a book. Ireminded myself the contents of the note that I had left for myself.Perhaps I didn't need to read it but I wanted to get into the habit,something I must do every day. I thought about escaping. I thought aboutresisting. I thought about going without food.It became clear that my evening meal was drugged as I never rememberanything until I woke up in bed the following morning feeling sore andmy bed sheets in a mess. I became convinced that Tom was assaulting meduring the night before returning to his own room. I tried to refuse totake any food or drink, but I was open to suggestion and I alwayssuccumbed. During the day I kept my spirits up by dressing, Iparticularly enjoyed trying on Tom's ex's clothes.*One month laterEverynight Tom came and joined me in bed and had his way with me. I wasmore conscious now but remained passive, it all seemed so normal now. Ino longer thought about escaping or resisting, but I was depressedduring.
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