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Rude...bad...boy," said she slapping me at each word, "I've a good mind to tell your mamma, get into bed this instant," and into bed I got without a word. She blew out the light, and left the room with her sister, leaving me in a dreadful funk. I scarcely knew that I had done wrong, yet had some vague notion, that feeling about her thighs was punishable; the soft hairy place my hand had touched, impressed me with wonder, I kept thinking there was no cock there, and felt a sort of delight at what I had done.I heard them then talking, and laughing loudly, thru the partition. "They are talking about me, oh if they tell mamma, oh! what did I do it for?" Trembling with fear, I jumped out of bed, opened my door, and went to theirs listening; theirs was ajar,--heard: "right up between my thighs, felt it! he must have felt it; ah! ah! ah! would you ever have thought the little beast would have done such a thing." They both laughed heartily. "Did you see his little thing?" said one. "Shut the. It just seems so much easier to say "atashi" instead of "ore" or even "boku". Every time I see my reflection, I want to "do something" with my face and hair so boys will think I'm pretty.Boys...I'm having fantasies about marrying a boy and--and-- making love to him. The curse is telling me how much fun it will be, how normal it is, how...natural. I look at Momoko, and the closest thing to sexual feelings I have for her is "potential rival". I don't even *want* to look at Tetsuo, because of what I might feel.I shucked the fuku as soon as I came home and dressed up in my old clothes. The briefs feel...weird, almost forbidden. And when I look in the mirror, I see a girl playing dress-up in her brother's clothes, looking silly. And I see the look in my eyes...the "haunted" look of those about to go over. Tomorrow, the next day at the latest. I'll fight it as long as I can, but I'm not going to win.I wonder how much of me will be left? Some people, like Nabiki, are almost.
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