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I asked him why he found it so funny as I thought all men liked that sort of thing. He told me that I shouldn't believe stories like that as they never really happen. I told him that one never knows what kind of things go on behind closed doors. Without changing my casual tone I said that it did sound like the perfect gift for a man who had everything.He said it was just a fantasy that some men have and that all men have fantasies at some time or another, but that’s all they are, fantasies. They never actually happen. I told him that I believed it when I read it in Cosmo. I said that it sounded very real. She loved him and wanted to give him a very special gift. It sounded much better than a pair of socks.“Okay,” he said, “who are you and what have you done with my wife?”As you don’t know me it’s probably worth pointing out that this is not the kind of conversation usually associated with me. Harry always likened me to Mary Poppins. He believed that I was a tad old-fashioned. In many. If you are reading it elsewhere, it has been stolen.I’ve always been a bit of a loner. Even in my daydreams, which largely featured a handsome prince who saw me completely differently to how I really am, more time was spent waiting and dreaming of him in those solitary imaginings than I did actually with him in them. I believe that was prophetic, leading into (or perhaps from?) pathetic. When it comes to sex, with two startling exceptions, all of that has been on my own too – life has been a relatively boring and pretty much totally sex-free event for me. Which princess sang, “One day my prince will come”? Whichever, one day, I hope my prince will cum too. I never saw a nudie magazine until I was 16, and one of the lads brought one into art class. I never got a chance to look at it, as the (rumoured to be) lesbian teacher swooped down, and stood there flicking through it, saying things like “Mmmmm, she’s a healthy girl… Oooo, full frontal… How beautiful the human form is, I would.
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