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A week and a half after the final surgery I was finally stable enough to leave the hospital. My body was mostly healed at this point but my mind was only barely held together. The list of things my mind was forced to endure was staggeringly long at this point. First I sustained injuries that nearly killed me, then I awoke to find out my activities had been put in the news media across the country and even internationally. Because of the embarrassment I had caused my fianc?e had dumped me while my family disowned me. Matthew had stopped by the hospital long enough to drop off my car which was packed with all my stuff and to tell me I had embarrassed him so badly that he never wanted to see me again. Adding to my humiliation was the fact that I now had to deal with the new functionality of body. I now couldn’t close my legs because my vaginal lips were so incredibly puffy. I think my vagina was more bulged out then even the girls in the pictures who had used vacuum pumps on their sexes.. .” he stammered.“You wanted that kind of sex with Stu anyway, but you could never bring yourself to tell him because you were ashamed of it, just like you are now. How am I doing?” I may have been pushing a little too hard at this point. This was risky, but I’ve always been a fairly forward guy, it’s how I’d behave, and he had said to be myself.“Why the hell shouldn’t I be?” he asked “it’s sick isn’t it?”I couldn’t stop myself. It really wasn’t very kind. I laughed at that question. Loudly. My limit for what constituted sick was clearly way further along the scale than Steve’s.“No Steve. No it’s not. Not at all. It’s not sick to want to experiment with sex, to want to try different things, different fantasies. There are women who fantasise about rape. Who get their other halves to help them act out rape fantasies. Those women wouldn’t want to be raped for real, they just like the feeling of losing all control and being used. The same is true for men. Equally there are men and women.
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