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All the shows, the peeking, and her being defensive. It all made sense now. What surprised me even more is that after all this time, she only feel for me a couple weeks ago. Why now? What changed? A question soon answered by her journal entries.Then, I read the last one. She was going to tell me today. Oh no what have I done! I heard the front door open. Oh no she was home. Before I had time to put the journal back, she was already at our doorway to our room.“Sophie! Please put that down so I…”I stopped her by putting a finger over her lips. I wanted to kiss them so badly but I knew I had to wait. She looked so scared and about to cry. My sisterly instincts kicked in and I gave her a hug.“Calm down sis” I said to ease her nerves. “You want my answer?”“About that?”“My feelings.”“More than anything. Please tell…”I didn’t let her finish by planting and kiss on her lips. I could feel the love from my sister pouring out of her and she kissed me back. We kissed and embraced for what seemed. Nice guy’ he pretended to be, and once I saw the lie he was living, I still couldn’t seem to see past what I thought was the ‘real’ him–someone caring and kind, not cold, who I should have patience with to someday open up emotionally, or at the very least get me off, the way he kept bragging he would. Anyway, to make a very long story short, after Matthew left, the void in me grew exponentially. I felt so much lonelier and so much more vulnerable afterwards, as I always did after sex with him, and still needed the TLC that I’d needed earlier that night, just three times over, now. I feel like such a bad person writing this out, but that night I needed to be with someone who really did care about me, or at least someone who was warm enough to be classified as human, who could hold me tightly and tell me that things would get better, even if they really wouldn’t. It was only around 10 when Matt left me high and dry at what I thought would be our all-night tryst, I thought about.
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