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He said, "I'm Phil."The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."Dear Family & Friends,I am sorry that I have not been consistently responsive lately to your emails. I have been somewhat under the weather since my doctors informed me that I have an acute case of Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue (PIST-AWF). For those of you who do not know what that is, PIST-AWF is a newly defined disease that is found to be widespread and highly contagious.Symptoms include, but may not be limited to: Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing the President pander to Muslim terrorists.Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Obama twice.Extreme hunger due to vomiting from nightly seeing terrorists murdering innocent people.If you feel you have Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue, please notify your local election board and place your name on the list for a cure. It is. ”I began with the classic shell game; three walnut shells and a dried pea. The showman places the pea under one shell, and then moves the shells around. The audience gets to guess what shell the pea is under. Of course, the secret is that the pea is under whichever shell the showman wants. It’s all an illusion, of course, but the biggest part of the illusion is that the audience thinks they have a chance. It’s all sleight of hand, and the ability to distract the audience with entertaining stories and patter. The classic patter of the old con man Umbrella Jim is always a good choice.“A little fun just now and then, Is relished by the best of menIf you have nerve and you have plentyFive draws you ten and ten draws twentyThe little pea is hid beneath the shellWhere it lands few eyes can tellPick your shell any one you choose, if right, you win, if wrong, you lose”I also tell variations of the Ned Buntline stories; full of heroes, villains and noble savages. The crowds out West always.
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