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“If the weather is fine tomorrow, should we show Lili our secret garden?”I felt a twinge of something at sharing that place with Lili. What was that – jealousy, fear?“Willi?”I took a deep breath and then let it out, watching Col’s face. “It’s our special place, Col.”“I know, Willi, but isn’t Lili your friend as well, now? We should trust her enough to let her share that place with us, don’t you think?”I took another deep breath, my old brain pushing down my young brain’s irrational fears. “You’re right, Col. I should trust her.”Col looked at me, something showing in his eyes that I couldn’t identify: nothing bad, but ... different. “Thank you, Willi.” He kept his gaze on me a moment longer and then turned away and picked up The Hobbit.“Perhaps we should keep that for when Lili’s here tomorrow, Col. Why don’t we read more of Müller’s poems as Lili can’t read German?”Col smiled and I saw another flicker of something in his eyes. “That’s a good idea, Willi.” We drew closer and closer to. Why does water show so clearly on pale blue? I half pulled myself together and took another cigarette from Tippi’s pack and lit it. I waited for her to tell me off for smoking – I only stopped because she’d told me to, had begged me to. She didn’t. Instead she sat beside me and looked out over the view but I knew she wasn’t seeing it any more than I was. Her voice was low and calm. ‘Of course I knew. If I had ever, ever had a woman lover it would have been you. I even thought about it, like you think about things that you know you simply cant do. I knew you wanted me. But you never made a move because you knew too that I couldn’t and that it would have hurt us both too much.’ She was right. ‘I knew you’d always be my closest friend because you love me and I love you. But we both knew it could never be physical. We never needed to say it, we knew.’ I nodded slowly. ‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘You don’t need to be.’ She stood up. ‘Have another cigarette and come back when you’re ready, OK?’ She.
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