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"The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"She says, He said, "Please Mary, put down that damn gun."And the Best for LastA drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"This one is compliments of Gary ... with thanks... Gentle thoughts for today.Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.A penny saved is a government oversight.The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good. " I hope he didn't make too bad an impression." Now Duncan. I know that Fitz has made a masterful study of the art of seduction, especially of other men's wives, but he's well aware that when I'm married it's with a capital 'M' and his efforts are lost on me." Yes, but you are not always married," teased Duncan."True and during those other times he has been amazing successful with me," Deirdre admitted with a roughish smile."Well I'm glad he has been," Duncan smiled. "It did lead to our first meeting."(Milan - 1639)"Go away!" called an exasperated voice through the door.The thunderous banging was repeated. The soft strains of a harp that had been drifting through the closed door stopped."Hugh Fitzcairn get up and open this door. You were the one who thought we should have caught that ship and you were right."A lock rattled and the door opened enough of a crack for Fitz, an exasperated look on his face, to peek out." For heaven's sake MacLeod there's no need to make such noise. I.
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