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Why did the carpenter’s wife leave him?A. Because he was screwing around when he should have been nailing her.Q. If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?A. A swallow.Q. Did you hear about the woodworker who fell into a vat of varnish?A. It was a terrible end, but a beautiful finish.I bought a dog from a blacksmith today. As soon as he got home he made a bolt for the door!A blond is walking down the street with one tit hanging out. A cop stops her and says, “Look darling, as pretty a picture as it makes, you’re going to have to put that away. I could cite you for indecent exposure.”“Why?” says the blond.“Your tit is hanging out!” replies the cop, astounded.The blond looks down and says “Oh, shit! I left the baby on the bus again!”A man’s been through a rough patch of health, and the docs can’t work out what’s wrong. After he’s baffled the final expert, his doctor turns to him and says, “We can’t work out why this is happening, but. I softly entered my objections, and I was instantly the object of derision. Then the final hammer stroke fell. The church decided that it would be a grand idea if my Uncle’s restaurant were to be open for church functions. We could hire people from within the church to operate the restaurant, and of course church members could receive a hefty discount praise god and pass the peas. Within six weeks of my Uncle’s death the church held the keys to the door and had free reign of my Uncle’s restaurant. And of course — of course — they were only taking ten percent to give to — you guessed it — the church in the name of our lord jaysus Christ. When I caught the lady who was keeping the books writing herself a fat check, I flew into a rage and ran the whole bunch out of my Uncle’s kitchen, and for the first and last time in my life I raised my voice at my Aunt and gave her my own gospel. The church had descended on her like jackals. They were so concerned with her salvation, you see. Oddly.
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