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She is ... she is God. I don't mean that blasphemously, and I still don't know if I believe in a personal God who listens and gets involved in our lives, but ... no, I do, I believe in God, and Barb is my proof. She is my gift from God, she is my reason to go on.After we left Aunt Sadie's and went to Cedargrove, and she let me kiss her again ... oh my God, "let" me kiss her? She wanted the kiss more than I did, and I wanted it like it was the last breath of air in a sinking ship. Her kiss was ... okay, I'm trapped again. There are no words for it. It was the sculpture of "The Kiss" by Rodin. It was Cupid and Psyche. It was Daphnis and Chloe. God! It was EVERYTHING. It was Alpha and Omega. It was ... it was the beginning of the fucking world. It was Adam and Eve. And when the kiss was over, my plan to tell her about Susan just evaporated. The feeling was so overwhelming, so unreal, that I was dissociated, detached from reality, as though I had strayed into some alternate realm. I told. We found her a very nice black Pin Striped Suit with a pencil skirt. I made her put on some stiletto heels to try it on with. She was stunning and classy in the outfit. I picked out some underwear for her too. I told her she had to have stockings too. I got the same suit in Navy, only with pants. I got her several separates she could mix and match. She seemed to be stunned by what I was doing. She pulled me off to one side. ‘I don’t have the money for all this. I can’t afford it.’ ‘Listen to me Miss Jennella, you were my best student and everybody knows it. How is it going to look if you can’t get a job? I will be humiliated. Now, all your clothes, plus a couple of things I thought you needed, came to right at $500. You can pay me back someday. Look at it this way. I am saving my own reputation. I just worked for a year and a half in Iraq. I made that much in a day there, I worked 75 to 80 hour weeks. I soldiered during the day and did lawyer work at night. There was nothing to spend.
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