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The final group asked me if they could ask Tina to dance; these generally were accepted or at least told ‘maybe a bit later’. The principle was respect for me as her partner and husband, but not thinking I owned her. I don’t mind her dancing with other men so long as they are decent and don’t get too handsy and to tell the truth, knowing these men want Tina while I know she is all mine is great for the ego. It’s not too bad for our sex life either; she gets the buzz from having her ego stroked and I just have an urge to remind her I’m not going anywhere any time soon.Two young men who did have a dance had them cut short as their hands got a little too mobile. One was pissed off about this and grabbed Tina’s arm and just as I stood to intervene, she bought her knee up to his groin, followed by a kick to his shin. As he straightened up, I was next to her. I just looked at him and said, “I really wouldn’t, because once she’s put you on your arse, I’m liable to keep you there.”We had. Often the asker fails to understand the subtle hints and feelers the giver is sending and thus neglects to offer said favor. Their standard line when approached about this is, ‘all he had to do was ask’ something the giver is loath to do. As I look at these two cultures, it is not hard for me to see why my first marriage failed, as she definitely was an asker and I am a staunch giver. To exacerbate the problem I was head over heels in love with her and all I wanted was to give her the world. As for her, she always felt I could always say no to something I didn’t want to do and so she thought everything was aces. As I stewed in the soup of resentment, she enjoyed a soufflé of blasé that I took for uncaring. Even in the divorce settlement, I gave up things just because I felt uncomfortable saying no to her. There are many countries that fit into these styles of people, for example, Briton and America run into trouble doing business in Japan. Japan is what is considered a giver country.
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