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I was a weekendcrossdresser, when I could be, always regretting when I couldn'tbe, which was often enough. When I couldn't dress up, pantiesserved, and a bra under nearly everything but a T-shirt. SometimesI'd add a slip. And colorless if glossy lipstick. Sometimes onlyan undetectable brown mascara, not the inky black I knew made myeyes look gorgeous, fabulous. I'd wear only just enough toreassure the girl in me that she wasn't being neglected.So I just nodded again. That condition was also acceptable.Third, Emily said, never expect her to participate in this ...thing. In any way. She wanted to believe she was married to aman, and she'd persist in believing it despite the evidence of herown eyes. She refused to be involved in my fantasy womanhood, noteven to acknowledge that I was dressed, much less how. This wouldbe the last time she'd ever speak of my ... habit, or seem tonotice it, no matter how flamboyantly girly I might look or howswish feminine my behavior. No. ‘Andrea is doing well considering Annie passed only a month ago.’ He removed a few bobby pins and adjusted her headpiece. With a concerned sigh he encouraged his daughter to share. ‘Hope, take a breath, and talk to me. You’re in a safe place, let it out honey, let it out.’ His daughter shuddered, and spoke tentatively, ‘When I saw Andrea tear up over — Momma Annie’s — passing, I thought back to Major, and…and that horrible night.’ Her eyes filled with hot tears of anguish. She continued, ‘If it weren’t for Major — I wouldn’t be here and…oh no…no…noooo.’ Hope couldn’t go on, and put her head in his shoulder, and began to cry. ‘Princess your makeup — Oh ‘jamais mon esprit, je prendrai soin de lui,’ let it out honey, let it all out,’ he said as he quietly exhaled in a vain attempt to hold his own emotions in check. Lynn cradled his sobbing daughter and gently rocked her in his arms. ‘It’s okay, it’s okay,’ he said in his soothing feminine voice. ‘Let it out, Hope, let it out.’ Lynn.
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