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I bought a dead-stupid cell phone. It wasn't a Blackberry. It wasn't an Iphone. It wasn't an Android. It had caller-ID and a large keypad. Next I called my Illinois apartment's landlord and opened negotiations to break my contract for a minimum fee.I ordered a shipping container to be dropped off at the apartment complex. For five hundred bucks the maintenance guys would strip the place for me and pack the goods. When they called to inform me that they were finished I'd call a shipping agent to have the container sealed and trucked to me. The contents of the chest freezer and refrigerator would be up for grabs. Someone was going to get a lot of frozen meat out of the deal. I explicitly described where my firearms were kept and informed them that they were kept loaded.I began making notes about my estate-to-be.Once the road was completed I wanted a brick barn erected to hold not only the shipping container but the snow removal equipment that I'd need, a stack of firewood, a generator. “What the hell!” I shouted stumbling backwards and looking up at Gene’s smiling face.“That’s payback for making me worry,” she helped me up, “So what were you and my mom talking about?”“She threatened to shoot me if I didn’t go to your soccer game.”With a playful shove, she smiled, “Ha-Ha Max. So are you going to come watch me play or not?”“To be honest I didn’t even know you played a sport till she said something.”“There’s a lot you don’t know about me Max,” her hand twirled her hair innocently.“I could say the same thing about you.”“Yes but it’s your fault!”“How?”“You never wanted to talk.”“You were modeling, which means that you’re not supposed to move, period.”“Well would it have killed you to at least ask before or after we started?”“It might’ve,” I shrugged coyly before giving up the charade. “Alright fine. I’m sorry Gene. You’ve been a good friend too me even though I’ve only been mean to you.”“You’re damn right I have been.”We both laughed and joined her father in the living.
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