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He'd had them made back in August in a shopping mall, and they'd been sitting in his drawer since then. He'd gotten them out about once a week, and dreamt of how she'd respond when he gave them to her.He showed them to her and then said, "We're only nearly seventeen, so we're too young to get engaged. But this is forever, I can feel it, and I know you can too. So I thought we could wear these — they'd mean the same thing — that one day, we'll get married. Shahia Esfahani-Baracat, please marry me one day?"She was crying again. She stared into Chris's eyes. "I've worried about what to say when you asked me this. I worry so much that you've abandoned your youth because of the baggage that I carry. You're sixteen, and you're asking me to marry you. That's not right."This wasn't really a surprising response. "I worry about you because you never had any choice. It just happened to you, the worst disaster anyone could imagine. Unlike you, I have a choice. And I choose you." Then, yes, Chris. I was expected and it wasn't like me to forget, he said. The whole family was worried about me during and after the ceremony. He nearly drove the four hours to Dayton to look for me. Thank the Lord I was safe, he kept saying.Guilt, like a heavy weight around my neck, began pulling me down. The more I talked, the more I tried to cover up my activities. The lies began to flow freely. I was going to burn in Hell. I lied to my father, telling him my Daytimer had been stolen. I thought my nephew's christening was the following weekend. I was at the library late studying. The lies continued to flow.That day seven months ago I stared at Lauren's picture in the obituaries and relived our friendship. So many emotions came flooding back. I wondered how our affair had affected her. I never knew because I left Dayton as soon as possible. My background growing up in a strict religious family taught me I had committed a grievous sin. Homosexuality might be a feeling fallible, horrible, demented.
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