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.but not a boring one, I promise! I am a 33-year-old white male from Long Island, New York. I have alwaysbeen overweight, unattractive, short, and very insecure, especially aboutmy looks and desirability to the opposite sex. Girls have never beenattracted to me (and I've always really wanted them to be, always soughtapproval from girls, which may have been part of the problem, since, as Iknow a lot better now, girls generally want to be the ones gettingapproval from guys and they view a guy caring too much about what theythink as sort of wussy). Ever since I was little, I have had thoughtsabout what it would be like to be a girl. I guess because I liked girls somuch - the way they talk, walk, dress, act, everything-I becamefascinated, almost obsessed, with femininity. I started crossdressing a little at home when my parents weren't aroundor, if they were home and I had the "urge," I locked myself in thebathroom to do it. I also started sneaking some of my father's Penthouseand. ‘I…I…can’t believe you’d do that. Want me like that’. She turned and closed her eyes. ‘You wanted me to degrade myself’.‘It’s not like that Hon’.‘How is it then? Your unbelievable. Our daughter was right there. You wanted those men to get an eyeful’. It was true. My pulse was still racing and the thought of my wife degrading herself with those men was still real in my mind. I realised again I’d been selfish. What I’d wanted wasn’t for her benefit but my own.I stepped away and went down to the bar. My night and perhaps even my relationship with Kirsten was over. I felt terrible. What had I been thinking? As though my lovely woman would go through with something like that. As I wallowed in self pity I thought of my poor wife sobbing in our hotel room. I’d lost her. Lost them. After six or seven drinks I stumbled up in the lift. My head was spinning. Again I half expected the room to be empty. Instead I pushed open the door to the familiar and unexpected scent of my wife’s expensive.
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