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He said nothing as he led her to the kitchen table. ‘Want anything to drink?’ he offered in a monotone. Julie shook her head and sat down. He sat opposite her and for a long, almost painful minute or two, he looked at her, saying nothing. ‘I… uh… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,’ he began, then sat in silence for another long moment. Julie was almost about to say something, just to relieve the tension of the silence, when he continued. ‘Naturally, I’m a bit… hurt. Confused. And pretty fucking pissed off.’ He shot her a serious look. Then his eyes shifted down to the table and he lapsed into silence again. ‘But I’m trying to see the bigger picture,’ he continued at last. ‘What happened… the other night…’ he looked at her, then away, his eyes focusing off in the distance. ‘I guess there was something… I mean, obviously I wasn’t, um, meeting all your needs.’ He shrugged, still looking away. What the hell was he saying, Julie wondered? ‘If we’re going to make this work,’ he continued,. Cancer. Uterine cancer, which, by the time it was diagnosed, had metastased. The doctors had tried heroically to save her, and did extend her life by a year or so, but that was all. She hardly had time to say goodbye.I barely made it through the funeral. My oldest daughter, herself distraught from the loss of her mother, had to care for me like a baby. I couldn't think, could barely breathe, and didn't want to. The kids settled Claire's affairs; I wasn't capable. Eventually though I had to try and have some sort of life, even if it was without her. That's how I ended up as a troll.Yes, a troll. You know the kind. Lives under a bridge. Grumpy. Doesn't want company. A long time ago, I read a series of essays called Magic Harbor1, by a fellow named Don Berry. In one of the essays, he described himself as a troll. I find myself in a very similar physical and emotional situation. I live on my boat, not under a bridge - that doesn't work well with a real mast - and without the light in my.
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