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"What are you giggling about, honey?" Mom asks."I'm so happy, Mom. As I said this morning, was it just this morning?I've wanted this all my life, even before I wanted it.Mom, Jennie ,I love you both so much." awww...we know that, Lexi.You just sit back and relax. We'll take careyou.," Jennie tells me. "Me and Mom are very happy too.," and she blowsme a kiss across the table.Suddenly, I'm disturbed by a scary thought."Mom, I really don't want togo back to being a boy for the rest of school, even if it is only twoweeks. I'm going to hate it.," and I feel like crying. "Since Friday,I've been Lexi, I don't want go back to being Alex."Mom smiles, and says," Don't worry honey. I'm keeping you out of schoolthis week. You do have some healing to do. And the last week is onlythree days. That Wednesday will be only half a day. Don't worry, honey.After, you'll never have to pretend to be Alex again." Never?" Never," smiles my Mother.Mom has me stand, holds out a cloth measuring tape. "We'll take. Was I really Melissa's boyfriend, was she my first real girlfriend?All of these thoughts were running through my head and I kept looking at Melissa, she was still glowing, and happy and excited and...."I love you," I said out loud, the words just slipped out of my mouth."What?"I instantly regretted saying it. "I just mean that, you know... I'm doing this because I can see how happy it makes you and I want to make you happy." I was back peddling a bit.I could tell that Melissa was having a hard time processing what I'd just said, she was some combination of shocked, surprised, and completely caught off guard."Whoa," Melissa said looking stunned but smiling - maybe in disbelief, "where'd that come from?" I dunno. Some of the things Diane said bothered me. I need you to know that I care about you." You understand that we can't like be together for real, right? I need to have sex with guys who know how to fuck me and that's never going to be you."It was crushing to hear, but I knew it.
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