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"The makeup. Your old clothes," I said. "I don't know what Sarah toldyou, but I don't actually enjoy all this." You don't hate it, either," my mother replied, matter-of-factly. "Doyou?" Well, ... I mean..." I stuttered, but she didn't really listen to me."At any rate, you don't hate it enough to stand up to your girlfriend,"she said."Well, you don't need to help her," I said with a hurt voice.She paused for a second."I'm trying to help you," she said."How?" I moaned reproachfully. "By making me wear makeup?" I get the feeling that this isn't the last time Sarah will want you indresses," she said, "The next time you do it, do you want to look like awoman, or like a man in a dress?"I dropped my gaze in silent acceptance of her logic."Listen," she said, "No one knows better than yourself how you feelabout dressing like this. If you really don't like it, then talk itthrough with Sarah. Until you do though, you better learn to speak witha softer voice. It might save you some embarrassing. And secondly, it's very, very hard to BE a strong personality, when you don't HAVE one. It's not that I haven't tried. It's just not who I am. I like to judge a person on how he or she relates to Dracula. No, not the monster ... the book. It's something most people have read, sometime in their lives; and in it are four wonderful characters. Men will imagine themselves as either Jonathan Harker or Van Helsing, depending who they most admire ... the patient observer or the self-described expert who's not afraid to take drastic action. Most women imagine themselves to be Mina: strong, gentle, reverent and chaste. But me ... I lie in bed and imagine myself as Lucy; the girl who, when confronted by evil desire, eventually surrendered her body and her soul.The first time I had sex, I was drunk. It was all a cliché, really. It happened after the senior prom. He had brought a bottle along, and he had "car problems" after parking in a lovers' lane; then he goaded me with the booze and coaxed.
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