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Shocking, isn’t it? What was the value in having a boyfriend? I could get a quality date whenever I wanted, to do whatever I wanted, wherever I wanted. I could have as little or as much sex as I wanted, and whatever kind I wanted. I could have complete control over any situation. A boyfriend would feel entitled to make demands on my time, on my attention, to have some say in the relationship. What did I need that for when I could get everything I wanted at no cost? Maybe this wasn’t love and forever after, maybe it was just infatuation. Perhaps I had just been caught up in the moment. It was a most excellent moment to be sure, but a moment nonetheless. I loved being with Jeff, but I could do that whenever I wanted without having to make any kind of commitment. Well, maybe I couldn’t. I would ask him for a specific time and he wasn’t always available. That had never happened to me before. Was this the flip side of guys wanting a girl because she made herself unavailable? No way. Jeff. Somehow, Judie had lost her fire and after a few kisses, she was ready to do something else.Judie and I remained friends for several years. When we graduated from high school, she asked me to sign her annual. Since she had become involved with a guy I didn't much care for, I was feeling bitter about things and my comments I wrote in her annual were not very kind. It wasn't until years later when we talked about things that I learned what I wrote had hurt her feelings. I explained how it was more about me striking out because I was hurt rather than trying to hurt her. I apologized and we talked thing over until both of us felt a lot better.The whole problem with our relationship was Judie liked her boyfriends a lot wilder than I was ... she was into "bad boys" and I was just a tall, skinny kid from an upper middle class home. I didn't know shit about being a "bad boy". It took her five tries at marriage with abusive husbands before she realized she needed to change her selection of.
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