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Sure they were naked in the magazines, but this was REAL. I stared. And stared. And stared.She buttoned her blouse up. I was crestfallen.“Five minutes and then onto the lesson.”We did jus that. From then on the lesson went as usual. At the end she handed me a sheet without saying anything. I knew the rules now.I raced home, ran up to my room and jerked off madly. I didn’t bother with the magazines; I just pictured Miss Miller’s perfection in my head. It only took less than a minute before I shot my load. I sat there thinking about her for a few minutes and then went down to start practicing. When I was done practicing I was horny again after thinking of Miss Miller’s breasts. I ran back up to my room and masturbated again.Wednesday came around and I rode to my lesson, sat at the piano and did my test. Again Miss Miller had a large grin when I was done. She did her scribbling in her book, and undid her buttons. This time she did THREE buttons and I could see more of her breasts.The. ’ ‘So it won’t kill me, but it will fill me with excruciating pain and make me incapable of happiness?’ ‘Yes,’ Dr. Turner said mournfully. Not wanting to bother staying in the hospital, I asked to be discharged. Before leaving, we stopped off at the hospital pharmacy to pick up my meds. I was holding my hands out in the cold October air as we drove, hoping that the raw chill might ease the dull throbbing in my fingers. The pain pills were slowly kicking in, making it so that the sting was bearable, but already, the word ‘bearable’ had gained a whole new meaning for me. The drive home was silent, for my parents were trying to keep back tears, but I was calm. That’s the one good thing about being suicidal: the prospect of your own death actually brings you peace. Now I didn’t have to feel guilty about killing myself. The effect it would have on my family was one of the only things keeping me from ending it all. Now I could just let the cancer do it for me. In a way, it felt good to.
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