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I switched on my old 486 and started to reformat the small hard disk. I dumped all my floppy disks into the bin bag. I picked up the photo of my parents and put that in too. Suddenly I stopped and picked it up and looked at their smiling faces staring back at me. I knew then I would and could no longer be their loving son Brian. From today Brian would be dead and Susan would exist. They would have to accept that and it would be hard on them. I weighed up the pros and cons and decided that I should leave the equivalent of a suicide note on the computer keyboard."Dear Mom and Dad,I am sorry that I have failed you as a son but I really can't carry on any more. My grades are worse than I hoped and I have just given up hope of making it as a man. I love you with all my heart and I hope you will forgive me for what I am about to do. From today Brian will cease to exist except in your hearts.I do so love you both and I wish there was an easier way out but I have no choice. LoveBrian"Just. As Lisa sat down, I looked at the stacks of paper with some dismay. ‘These are all your files? Holy shit, Lisa, how do you ever find anything? We’ll be here all night.’ Lisa smiled. ‘It’s an art. I have everything cross-referenced in a database and a pretty good idea of where things are in the piles. The file folders have case numbers and reference numbers that I can find fairly easily.’ She gestured to one of the chairs beside the table. It had several heavy books piled up on it. ‘Have a seat and I’ll look through the bigger cases. Give me twenty minutes and I’ll have a short list of the cases that might be interesting for you to look through.’ I moved the books onto the desk and sat down in the old wooden chair. As she typed away at the computer, I spent some time watching her and exploring my feelings. Her profile was proud and competent, here in her lair. I liked that confidence. I needed to think about what had been said on the ride down here. She had said no but was that.
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