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. ‘ and it’s one of those things where YOU know you’re lying, WE know you’re lying, and you KNOW we know you’re lying; but at the same time, this COULD be that one time in a thousand where we have to do a shakedown in Housekeeping to unmask the criminal genius who decided to help herself to a fucking Toblerone on your dime. Probably because you or the asshole in the room before were such a dick or a creep to her that she just needed a little something to calm down. Some places, the accusation alone would get her fired; and the piece-of-shit loses nothing if he decides to push the lie to the point of costing a maid her job. The checkout clerk already knows all of this, and that you’ve probably got a flight to catch, which you’ll blame us if you miss; and we just want your ass out of our hotel now, so, it’ll just save everyone a lot of hassle if he swallows every natural human instinct to scream ‘YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR AND WE BOTH KNOW IT’ to your face, says, ‘my mistake, sir,’ and hits. I think you would find it really fun and exciting if I had some stuff that would be kinda humiliating for you if I made them public. It'll just be for fun, okay? Just a little blackmail game for us to play if you need some encouragement, that's all. Then together we will dispose of your old ugly male clothes, and say bye-bye to your old life. I will be giving you some special training to tear down that old icky male thing, and build up the beautiful woman that you are in it's place. You will be dressing, behaving, and living at all times as a complete and very feminine woman, in private and in public. You're going to love getting used to wearing your new underwear and pretty women's clothes and shoes all the time, just like you've always wanted. You're going to be going to a salon and getting super long acrylic nails painted all pretty, having your eyebrows waxed really thin and feminine, and getting your ears double pierced. Every day you're going to be putting on your silky.
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