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But oh how I wish that it had! I love and hate that dream, and when I'm awake afterwards I usually cry. It's the only emotional release I allow myself, to mourn (sometimes for hours) for the happy future that was taken away from me.Sometimes I think that I'll never know true happiness again – but I have to admit that violently shoving a Ka-Bar into an enemy's gut and then rather sadistically ripping the blade upwards through the intestines, stomach and finally up into the central chest cavity and heart does come pretty darn close.There was just something nastily erotic about being naked and holding a bloody knife while rivers of the old sweet crimson was flowing all over my tits and belly. The sheer appalling violence and surge of adrenaline was already making my cunt tingle in a way that even dispatching Wally-Boy and his friends hadn't quite given me. This was personal ... intensely so. If I'd touched my clit at all with my bloody fingers I'd have cum in an instant, and like. .. I guess so," she replied sadly."Love, you don't have to if you don't want to. I won't force you. When you're ready, I will be there for you," I said as I hugged her."Thanks," she replied and kissed me on my cheek. I patted her hip, and walked to the dresser for a change of clothes. Picking out what I wanted to wear, I went into the shower as the girls closed in on Judy to comfort her.The hot water revived me and when I stepped out, Ana was sitting on the toilet waiting for me. I kissed her and then started drying off. "What's up?" I asked."Judy, I am worried about her," she replied."Love, she will be ok, its survivor's guilt. In a few days, she will be over it," I said as I pulled on my underwear."Are you sure? I have seen depression before. My mom had it when her parents were killed in Chechnya. She killed herself two weeks after we buried them. Please, Mathew, get some help for her," Ana begged.I stood there looking at here for a second, and thought about what she said. "If she.
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