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Who knows what goes on in their brains,or whether they even have brains? I mean, what rational creature wouldget excited over Valentine's Day? Could any holiday be more obtuse? Like your bitch, mine's a sucker for the hearts and flowers,chocolates and greeting cards, and she expects something on Valentine'sDay. If I forget to buy her something, it means I'm taking her forgranted, or so she tells me, and, believe me, you don't want to bearound any woman who feels she's being taken for granted. So, everyFebruary 14th, I get her something. I'll say this much for Blanche. It doesn't take a lot to make herhappy. She's one of those bitches who believes it's the thought thatcounts. The first time I heard her say that, I was sure she was beingsarcastic, but no - can you believe it? - she was being sincere! Thiswas my ticket. I could buy her some piece of junk, and she'd be happyas long as I remembered to get her something. Last Valentine's Day, though, I almost fucked it up. I almostforgot. Inside was a canister of baby wipes, the older kind that resembled modern day Wet Ones, but were wider around for more volume. All of a sudden he wondered what one of those felt like, but for some reason it seemed like it was wrong. He dropped his undies and stood naked over the drawer. Hesitating, he popped the top off and pulled the corner of the next wipe. As it came up, the soap glistened and it made noise like popping soap foam. He held it for a second, questioning it’s presence and feeling it’s wet surface stick to his hand, slightly put off by the overwhelmingly gentle aroma, and then knowing no other use for it, he laid down on the ground and began to slide the wipe over his youthful body. In the next few minutes he discovered the joys of making your self sexually aroused, while simultaneously starting a fetish that almost ten years later he still couldn’t shake. One of the things that James remembered vividly about the Kierney house was that there was always a box wipes.
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