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She was a neighbor of mine while I was a teenager. My mother was older than she was but they both was housewife's. So they became friends besides being neighbors. Often when I arrived home after school Joy will be in the kitchen. Joy was 10 years older than I was but I had a enormous “crush” on her. Let me describe this creature of my young fantasy. She stood about 5' 8” or so. A delightful smile which I see now even though more than 50 years has past. She had short fire red hair with the deepest blue eyes that will make men melt. The memorable thing about her is her shape: 38-35-45 with a pair of 38G breast. Thinking about them make me drool. I was taking more and more opportunity to watch Joy from afar. There was times I would watch her as she was leaving her apartment and others when I would stand behind a tree in her yard and watch her while she was undressing in her bedroom. How much I wanted to be in the room with her.One summer my parents and my sister went on a two week. Instead of having the courage to fight that fear, he wanted me to completely own it and incorporating it into my life. I didn’t want to be that. That’s not the future I wanted for myself.And what he was telling me was no different than a battered wife coming to a friend for advice only to be told that she didn’t deserve any better than to be a victim all her life. That she should make the most of it and enjoy the physical and psychological beatings her abuser was so graciously bestowing upon her.If my only choices were between a life of loneliness on my own and a life of cuckoldry eating another man’s cream pies, both literally and figuratively, I would choose a life of loneliness where at least I can keep my head up high and look myself in the mirror without having to throw up.I had a lot to think about, and the answer was not going to come from a bottle. And it certainly was not going to come from Matt. I realized the answers had to come from inside of me. I had to first figure out.
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