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Apparently your birthday will not include him this year." You're right. I've been thinking of something different anyway. You know, I've always wondered what it would be like to be a prostitute. Maybe that would be a great birthday present. You can be my pimp." Oh, and what does that mean?" Ever since we were married, I thought being a whore for a day would be exciting. So, this year, maybe you can help me do it. I can buy a set of kinky clothes; then you find three strangers to fuck me in a hotel." And you want me to be there like last year."No Phil. You'd only be my pimp."Okay, how do I get three strangers willing to fuck you?" You do it online. There are a lot of hookup sites you can browse. Maybe we can post a couple of nude pictures of me, and find some likely studs that want to have a one night stand. Simple."You said you would never cheat on me, Beth." This isn't cheating. You know what I'm doing and you are helping me do it. It's like your birthday present to me." Okay but. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.You know how to eat an artichoke.When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.ORYou can retire to New York City where...You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.You think Central Park is “nature.”You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)You think eye contact is an act of aggressionORYou can retire to Minnesota where...You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.You have seventeen recipes for casserole.Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.The four seasons are: almost.
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