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It feels like a lie to me,” I explained, “Like I am pretending or my partner is pretending, or both of us, I can’t explain it better than that. Either you are mine, or you are not mine. My heart can’t see any middle ground,”“Should I go,” she asked.“Only if you want to. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed both of you. But I can’t keep myself open to this inevitable pain. At least this way I feel like I have some control back,”Risa nodded, “I don’t think I can stay, and not be in your arms,” she explained, and then gathered her things. I walked her to the door, and before she left, she kissed me softly, looking into my eyes. “I know in your head you understand, but know that we both hurt too. This wasn’t some game. I understand how you feel, and I respect it, but not being able to be with you hurts,” and then she left.I had no idea what to think about that. Was she scolding me, or was she trying to tell me something else. I don’t know. I have never understood women.Despite Risa explaining. So it was a sheer surprise that one evening on my way home from work, I had gone into my local supermarket and standing in front of me was a younger girl who had just moved into the neighbourhood. She was having problems using her debit card at the cash register. Turning to me and making a few jokes about it, she finally paid and I thought she had left.However, once I got outside I discovered her still there waiting for me and offering me a lift home. She introduced herself as Liz a thirty-year-old slim brunette with a nice smile and a lovely body made better by the smart clothes she was wearing. I agreed as I had seen her around a few times and knew we lived close by.As she drove, her musky provocative perfume filled the evening air causing me to smile in approval. Liz must have noticed as she said that she was glad I approved as it was her favourite and was very expensive. As she spoke, I noticed what a pretty girl she was and then chastised myself inwardly for even staring at.
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