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In the toilets, I buff up my hair and use hairspray. I’m slightly embarrassed. At thirty-three, I’ve only been to a nightclub a handful of times. I spent my twenties basically studying and I now spend most it working. If I’m not working, I’m preparing for work. (How tragic is that?)So, tonight, I determine to rid myself of this red cloak of conformity and change from Little Red Riding Hood, hiding from the constraints of my life, and lay myself wide open for a big bad wolf.Following Genie’s lead, I apply another layer of mascara, even though I don’t really need it, and add some shimmering, peach lip gloss.Genie turns to me and smiles. ‘Ready?’A buzz is whizzing through me. This is so daring for me but I recall an article I’d read in a woman’s magazine. It said that pushing your boundaries can feel like chicken soup for the soul. Walking out of the toilets, I’m not too sure that having wild sex with a complete stranger is chicken soup for the soul, but I’m going to give it a try.Two. However, what you may NOT know is that during the month of April, year 1948, nine months after the historic day, the following people were born: · Mike Pence· Donald Trump· Mitch McConnellThis is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jack-asses.I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It certainly did for me.✧ ✧ ✧The Coyote PrincipleCALIFORNIA1. The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.2. The Governor starts to intervene but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.3. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.4. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.5. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500.
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