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For now, atleast until we sort this out."I put sugar and milk in my coffee, stirred it, but I couldn't pick thecup up. My hands were shaking so much I would have spilled it. Funny. Ihad carried the cups over to the counter all right. I suppose I couldfeel crunch-time coming."OK, tell me again why you didn't tell me all this before we gotmarried." Oh, Cathy, you can't imagine the shame and guilt that goes with this.I've hidden it for years, all through school and afterwards. I movedinto my own flat as soon as I could and dressed after work and atweekends, but I dared not let anybody know. I'm a real coward."Then, when I met you, I fell madly in love with you and the more I gotto know you I knew I had to spend the rest of my life with you. I justcouldn't take the risk of you rejecting me, and I promised myself Iwould stop doing all this and be a proper man for you. I just knew youwould hate me if you found out about this." But you couldn't resist?"I shook my head miserably. "No, I. It is now five days since I shamed myself. In all of those days Linda has treated me as kindly as before. She spends her time teaching me, and I learn as quickly as I can, but still I think it goes slowly.Two days ago, when I have better words, I try to speak of what I did that day. I try to say my deep regret and shame for my actions. But I say only a little, as soon as she understands my intent she stops me.“It’s all right, Hugo,” she says. “I think it was my fault, not yours. You thought I wanted to make love, didn’t you?”I do not know the making of love, but I think it is the way that people here—now—talk of mating. I nodded yes, and began to speak more but again she would not let me go on.“You don’t need to say any more. You stopped as soon as I showed you I didn’t, and that was enough. And I’m sorry, too, I could have only told you to stop and you would have. I didn’t know that then.”I looked at her with great surprise. “Will all men in this place not stop when told?” I.
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