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"Ass tax," I said. "You should have received official notification--" Oh, yeah, right," she said, closing the door and unlatching the chain, then reopening it. "I got it here somewhere. I never heard of no ass tax before." It's a new government program, designed to reduce bureaucratic inefficiency as a result of the Hmmhmm-Frmmhmmhmm Act," I said as she let me into the house."Whatever," she said as I followed her back toward the kitchen of her cheap, untidy apartment.Her place, and its occupant, were perfect examples of Jerry Springer America--the apartment dominated by a TV, food plates sitting straight on the roughly upholstered couch, beer cans and one of the Left Behind novels visible just under it. While she--how may I describe her loveliness? Fat ass in a too-tight pair of white shorts leading down think trunk-like thighs to bare feet, sloping breasts hanging low over a broad belly under a Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt, stringy bottle-blonde hair and sunken eyes bespeaking little. Pale skin. Curves. Attraction. Fetish. Mistaking her for an Irish Catholic. Here was my perfect chance to escape, if I so desired, simply by opening up my mouth and being myself. “I’m not sure,” I blurted out. “I’m really not sure.” Honest. Mostly honest. And as of that moment, standing there with some brisket stuck between my teeth, and my clothes now smelling of fried onions, I was being honest. “Good answer,” she said. “Better than lying and talking about my eyes or my voice. Classier than mentioning my tits too.” Tits? Did she really say “tits” in this house. This woman who only a few hours before was just some fetish on my radar, she was now saying “tits” to me and telling me I was sexy. “Hope I didn’t offend you. Sorry. I should have said “breasts”, right?” “No, tits is fine. I’m good with them.” Fuck. Stupid thing to say. “I’m good with them”. With what? Her tits? “Good. We’ve got that out of the way,” she shot back at me. “Glad you like them.” The rest of the house seemed a.
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