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"What happened?" they asked."Who the hell is Obama?" asked Pinocchio.A solution to the ISIS problemThe US Army announced today the formation of a new 900-man elite fighting unit, called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).These Mountain boys will be dropped off in Iraq, with plenty of cold beer, ammo, and gunships and have been given only the following facts about ISIS:1. The season opened today.2. There is no limit.3. They taste just like chicken.4. They hate beer, bacon, BBQ, pickups, nude women, rednecks, country music and Jesus.AND5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.The Pentagon expects the ISIS problem in IRAQ to be over by next Friday.Parking Tickets... My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "a****hole."He glared at. Sam’s lips and fingers were bringing me to a climax which I could not control, and I had to warn him.“I’m coming.”Sam’s response was to wrap his lips tight around my cock as I grunted and my knees gave way. My cock twitched once and then I was coming into Sam’s mouth, his lips still locked around me. I slumped back against the door as Sam let me slip from his mouth. For a moment I thought I would slide to the floor but kept my balance. I tried in vain to get control of my feelings as Sam stood up and hugged me before looking me in the eye and whispering almost to himself, “You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to do that.”It took a few seconds for what he said to penetrate the confusion I was feeling.“What? What did you say?”Before I could stop him, he leant forwards and kissed me on the lips. “Never mind, Joe. Did you enjoy it?”A spark of anger replaced confusion in my mind. “You said you had wanted to do this. What do you mean?”“Joe, it doesn’t matter.”“It matters to me, what did you.
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Elaine said, "You know, when you try to bullshit me it calls ourfriendship into question."I was shocked at her response, and questioned her as to why she wouldanswer that way. Elaine then said, "We spent so much time together andyou don't even consider me one of those crushes?"I knew I really screwed up, all along Elaine had liked me and never toldme, boy, I would never understand women (this is still true today). Itried to repair the damage as best I could and agree with her that shewas in fact one of my central crushes. I don't think she believed me, soI went out of my way to convince her that what I was saying was true. Iactually got on my knees, grabbed her hand and said, "Elaine, I do findyou to be very very attractive and I didn't think that I was in yourleague, so I never acted on my desire for you, please forgive me."She seemed satisfied with that answer but there was a strange look in hereye, she said to me, "I always thought you were gay, I've noticed how youlooked at me.

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