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He nods. I look at him, and everything starts to light up. He looks back at me, trying to ignore my eyes. They’re black in the sunlight, but they shine in the darkness allowing me to see as if it’s broad daylight. “I regret it with everything in me,” he says. “I can’t leave this life and disappear. My parents would be crushed.” “I know,” I reply flatly. “The first time is the hardest, but it gets easier.” “That’s kind of awful to say,” he whispers. “You just turn off your emotions for a while, and when they go back to living without you, you can turn them back on and realize they are happy again,” I say it with confidence but I know it isn’t true. When a loved one dies, you can still see them, until they enter their tunnel and they go into the afterlife. An afterlife you will never reach. “I can help you,” I tell him. “When the time comes I’ll walk you through it.” I pull him to me and I embrace him. The truth is, I won’t ever know what it feels like the first time. I was born,. There was a slight ache in my heart thinking of that, but it wasn't jealousy; more like...envy perhaps; but nothing remotely like resentment!Megan didn't get dressed. Instead, she pulled the covers back and crawled into bed; and I laid down beside her and we cuddled for a long time. I was so sexually excited by then, but I knew Megan was tired, and needed so rest after the fuck-fest she and William had had together; and so I let her drift off to sleep. For a long time I laid there feeling her breathing on my face, and I studied her face, smiling to myself that this young woman was in my life! She could have had any man as a husband, but she'd married me, instead! Of course, our marriage was an unconventional one, because she had the freedom to have sex with any man she wanted, and with black men, who she preferred above all else, including me!I eventually got up out of bed and let Megan have as much sleep as she needed. Knowing her, neither she, nor William, had gotten much sleep,.
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