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‘Silly cow.’ I smiled a wan smile to myself as she walked away. I had never had a lover since University. I had always hoped, always half expected that Jess would claim me. I knew at the same time that she never would but nobody came close, nobody else mattered in that way. Oh, of course I had had people to share my bed, to fuck, but that’s all it was. They always disappointed, always fell short. Only Jess would do. I smoked another cigarette then, feeling extremely silly and embarrassed walked slowly back towards the hotel. Tippi was standing on the path, the sun behind her and through the soft white cotton of her long skirt her legs were shadows. I couldn’t see her face. ‘I feel such a twat.’ She slipped her arm through mine and we walked like that towards the house. ‘We all knew how you felt about her. We always knew.’ I nodded, was that all I was capable of doing? Tippi stopped, restraining me with her gentle grip on my arm and turned me to face her. ‘You cant help how you feel.. I found it, it was a smaller box, 8” by 3” by 3”. I drew it out and looked at it. My heart was pounding. I opened the smaller box, my cheeks turning crimson and my fingers trembled as I opened it. And I took out the object inside. It was a life size replica of a man’s penis, 7” long and 1 and a half inches in diameter. It was a realistic soft rubber like replica and as far as I could tell it was perfect. I imagined it in my mouth, the taste, of it on my tongue, I paused for a long time imagining the sensation. Then quickly I turned on the kitchen faucet and waited as the water heated. I used some liquid soap and washed it and washed it then rinsed it for a very long time to make sure every last vestige of soap was removed. Now I was ready. My heart was thudding in my chest as I clutched it firmly in my right hand and slowly brought it to my lips, I tasted the tip with my tongue and let my mind drift. My eyes closed. Then I opened my mouth and pushed the head.
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