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In me, a pock faced middle-aged man becomes a young girl.Day after day, night after night, I bring peace to the troubled.***"An Argument Between Body and Soul" -->Based on "A Dialogue between the Soul and Body" by Andrew MarvellSOUL: Oh, who can from this bear releaseA flowered soul who knows no peace?This meaty hand, this bulging arm,This weedy face which knows no charm,This hairy foot, this eye that leers,This mottled nose, protruding ears:A prison grown large to restrainThis sweet and simple, gentle brainWhich longs with every coarse heartbeatSurroundings dainty and petite.BODY: Who says that I'm some jail cell?'Cuz *I'M* the one who's stuck in hell!This prissy little soul of mineJust moans and bitches, groans and whines!The damned thing decorates my frameWith lace and silk -- disgusting shame!It powders where my beard once stood;It tucks and hides my proud manhood;Shaved the grand fur from my chest;Imprisons me inside a dress!SOUL: What evil had me thus confinedTo the portly frame. Every new conversation we had brought news of a new book he’d just read and how he was already applying his new methods “in the field.” I’d read a couple books on the topic, but since I was doing fine for myself I didn’t feel the need to invest any more time learning about new pick-up techniques. Napolean sent me these audio interviews called “David DeAngelo’s Interviews With Dating Gurus,” so I uploaded them onto my Ipod and played a few during my drives to work, which was better than listening to the Black Eyed Peas-infested radio. With the exception of a handful of interviewees, every “dating guru” sounded like a total dork, including David DeAngelo (who claims that one time he put an “L” on his forehead and mouthed the words “loser” to a girl, and she found him attractive). What gave these guys “expert” status made no sense to me. I will admit, however, that there was some interesting stuff on there. One of the gurus described a tactic in which he’d program his phone number under.
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