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For the past hour or so the words on the page had slowly begun to blur and she found herself re-reading over sections of the book, that were slipping from her head without leaving the faintest trace. Without noticing, her head had been slowly lowering towards the book laid in front of her, so that it was an inch or so away from the tiny print when her eyes finally gave up on the fight to pull the words into focus. “Another all-nighter,” she whispered to herself as she stacked her books into a pile, before sliding them into her bag. Fortunately for Ari, the university offered after-hours library access for students, this made her obsession with studying and lack of social events all the more achievable. There were still a few tired faces glued to books that she passed on her way to the third floor landing. Walking down the wide wooden staircase, Ari clung tightly to the railings, afraid her exhausted feet might give out under her. When she finally reached the bottom, she waved kindly. When she smiled at me, my heart melted. She was strong and self-assured. Yet she feared relationships. Because of her disease, she feared emotional intimacy and commitment.When I was twelve, my mother died in a car accident, and my father died when I was seventeen. Although my uncle took care of my brother, sister and I, a part of me longed for the security and safety of a spouse.We were both at a point in our lives when we needed each other. I didn't care that she had the same set of chromosomes that I did. She didn't care that I would never be a one night stand. She was beautiful, not only physically, but spiritually and emotionally.And when she died, a part of me was torn away.If not for my daughter, I think I may have given up, even though the mere thought of that would have horrified McKayla.So I cling to the things that remind me of her. I kept the house mostly as we had it before she died. Her car was basically mothballed until Maureen decided she wanted to drive it. I still.
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