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Maybe you’re right about me being anally erotic. I think you’re anally erotic, too -- my anus makes you erotic.”“I was hoping you wouldn’t notice,” I replied. “You have a very pretty one, you know.”“So you’ve said, but I’m not entering any beauty pageants. Don’t tell me you and Linda went through that rigmarole before every date.”“Once in a while. Usually she took care of it on her own at home beforehand. If you douche two to three hours ahead, you’re good.”“How could she manage that bulb on her own? I couldn’t. You needed two hands and mine are smaller than yours.”“She had a setup in her bathroom -- an attachment to her shower head. It was a long hose with a diverter. She’d start her shower, insert the nozzle and turn the diverter to fill up.”“So -- she never moved in with you.”“Nope. She was in the same-city category. Which means, you’re way ahead of her on that score.”“I was thinking it but I didn’t want to say it,” she replied.“I like watching the sunset from here,” I said.Helen. I could smell the alcohol on her breath the second I saw her at the bar. She had called me to pick her up, and bring a good son with no girlfriend and nothing else to do on a Friday night, I made my way over. I got in the driver's seat and looked over at my mom. She had that loopy look on her face that I had seen a few times before. She didn't get drunk often, but I knew the signs. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Yeah, I'm fine... I'm going to kill my son tomorrow though. He was supposed to pick me up at the bar. It's a good thing you're taking me home with you." "Mom, I'm your son. It's me, Andrew." She looked me up and down as I started driving off. "Nah, you're not him... I mean, you look like him, bit you're cuter than he is." I didn't know whether to feel mad, embarrassed, or proud, so I said nothing. "This is a nice car... It looks and feels exactly like my son's... Simple, yet sexy in its simplicity." Jesus. How much did she drink? "He's a good k**... He does need to get a.
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