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*Stop being a fool. Be what you are and like yourself. You're not abad person. Why do you treat yourself like one?* I knew the answer, ofcourse. I was projecting onto myself how I thought my family andsociety would judge me if I let them know about Sara, as if beingtransgendered was somehow an inherently evil thing, like looting damagedstores after a hurricane. After all, hadn't Rebecca just told me thatshe had been "absolutely mortified" when Phil handed her the picture ofme at Southern Comfort? Why would she be humiliated by that if therewasn't something dreadfully shameful about it?*Oh shit,* I realized suddenly. *Rebecca's part of the problem. Untilthis past week, she had hidden Sara at home in the same way that peopleused to stick their crazy relatives in the attic or the barn, as if theywere a stain on the family. I wasn't just my own stain, I was hers aswell. We both bought into the shamefulness of my very nature. I neverhad the courage to face the potential scorn that. Once we had done, dinnerwas ready.Lying in bed a little later, Jill started asking what my plans were forthe following day. I confessed I didn?t have any.?How about a small shopping trip? I mean I am happy for you to use myclothes and jewellery, but a girl should really have her own make upand underwear. You?ve only got one nice bra that fits now as well asyour nursing bras. You?ve also only got one nightdress. Any way, it?sup to you, I am sure you are perfectly capable of buy your ownclothes,? she said kissing me goodnight.I lay awake for ages thinking about this. My first thought, strangely,was what do I need, followed by how is it going to feel buying feminineunderwear by myself. I decided to leave that problem until tomorrow.After Jill had gone to work the next day I fed Amelia. It really was astrange sensation sitting there having a baby suckling at my engorgedbreast, not something my upbringing had prepared me for. Bizarrely Iwasn?t complaining. These moments were special and.
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