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After living for years on colas and truck stop food, Larry weighed 280 pounds. Most of it was fat. The rest of it was bullshit. Kim, on the other hand, carried her 120 pounds on a 5' 8" frame. She worked hard to keep her good looks.She worked hard at other things too. It took a few years, but Kim finally got her GED. By waitressing, she also saved enough to get herself into community college, but the college was too far away to commute. Her sister offered to take the k**s during the week, so Kim rented a room in a boarding house close to the college. Larry fought about the decision, but Kim was determined. Larry could fend for himself when he wasn't on the road, or go fuck himself. Either option worked for Kim.The first few days of college were exciting. She didn't stand out much from the other students, but she was self-conscious about her age and her background. She went to events organized by the college and started to make new friends. That is how she heard about an off-campus. Cleaning doesn’t help. Much. I am no nurse though the shower, as such, is my hospital. Perhaps I should let them be. Scars heal over when left alone. Sometimes vanish like old friends or the garbage left by the curb on Tuesday night. I caress my scars. Dream about him next to me. Feel him in the night tending them. Believe that he’s there. Then there’s light and the shower is still running. I leave it on even though the water bill is too high to pay. I like the sound of the water rushing over me. Let the water pour. Clean and hot and desensitizing, destroying prints and calluses, burning away bacteria, boiling needles to the surface of my skin. Mindless, hopeless activity. I sit in the shower without forgiven and need and lust and longing. The scars will never vanish. Never fade completely. But remind me of the torture of trust, the fool who gives over. The emptiness that follows desire. All of it written in stitches across the scars and curves of fingerprints from homemade thread.
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