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" What? You're saying you wouldn't want to go?" Zach shot back.Raven smirked again. "Well I didn't say that." What's going on?" Max asked from across the table.Raven and Zach both glanced at me; it was MY message after all. Buzzed on plentiful alcohol, feeling no pain, and bemused by the idea of having my new co-workers tag along, I explained, "Adrienne suggested we bring the whole gang, trainers included, to meet up with her and her friends at this SoHo club tonight."Max glanced at Enrico with a knowing grin before returning to face us. "A models' party? Truly, something you shouldn't miss."Zach nodded his agreement, Raven smiled as well, and both Albert and June gave me shrugs that said they didn't really have anything better to do.I did a quick head count and announced, "We're gonna need two cabs."I distinctly recalled giving myself three-to-one odds that Zach and Raven would be fucking by the end of the week. It was a bet I would have lost, seeing as Raven turned out to be 100%. Oh god that felt heavenlythe smooth velvety texture and the feel of my tongue sliding over it waspure sensuality. The taste and smell. That was it I was addicted. Thelipstick grew into full on make overs and I spent hours getting it justright.At night while I was dressed it was fabulous and fun but the next day Ialways woke with horrible self-hatred and loathing. I couldn't understandthe urges and I couldn't control them. The harder I tried to resist thedeeper I fell. I decided I needed help or I was afraid I was going to harmmyself. I found a psychologist and started having sessions to help meunderstand.My psychologist Cynthia worked at building my self-esteem and confidence shesaw that as the root of my problems. When we talked about my history sherecognised that all my super macho behaviour was just me over compensatingbecause I didn't feel confident in my skin. We talked about my crossdressingand she came to life when we discussed it. She encouraged me to experiment.Her opinion.
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