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I stood by the open door of the car and offered Zina my hand. When she turned to get out, her legs parted, the skirt rode high on her thighs, I caught a glimpse of pale thighs above the top of her hosiery, and black satin panties. Not only did my eyes get a treat, I felt my nuts shiver. Again, forbidden thoughts surged to the forefront of my mind. I was slowly succumbing to the charms of the young woman. Zina waited near the theater entrance while I spoke with the driver. I hadn’t thought of it earlier, but seeing my daughter as a young woman spurred another thought, if I was going to treat her as a woman, not my child, we should toast her birthday. I slipped the driver enough cash to buy a bottle of Champaign to have in the car when we returned from the show. My thoughts were not salacious, but another acknowledgment to her coming of age. At least that is the justification I offered myself. We were early, my daughter had time to wander the lobby and view the magnificent. It had given me time to think. But ever since Birgit died, it was torture. My mind would constantly wander and I had a harder time suppressing the troubling thoughts. Why was Birgit gone? How could the world be so cruel as to take her from me? My mind constantly wandered to what things could have been like, the children we might have had, and the things we might have done.The sadness was abating, and was being replaced by anger that this could have happened and by my fears of being hurt or hurting anyone just by loving them. I could tell it was becoming an obsession and I struggled to fight it. I needed something to take my mind off of it. I’m pretty sure that’s what drove me to try to schedule so many activities and to be with my friends.I snapped out of it when Andreas called my name.“Sorry, Andreas, I was thinking.”“I called you three times before you answered. It’s really bothering you, this death of your friend.”“It’s not just that, Andreas. It’s that I hurt so many people close.
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