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"Well it's good to see you cheerful. They are going to roll you into the surgery and we are going to do this thing," she said."Cool beans, if I'm good do I get a balloon after?" I asked."No, but I hear you should get a medal for putting the PA in his place yesterday. So I'll do what I can to get you as much use as possible from that hand." she said.I realized two things. One, she was the surgeon not the nurse, and two it was a hell of a lot worse than I had been told. Neither really sunk in, but I knew I would remember them later. I guess I looked at her with a blank stare."They didn't tell you did they?" she asked.I shook my head."That hand is a mess. You got hit with mass of sharp things. You have massive nerve and tissue damage. The bones are out of line but that's the least of your worries. I'm going to try like hell to get all the wires reconnected correctly, but you never know." she said. She turned to a young woman standing in the room. "Get her a new consent form." Then to me. I was sort-of conscious, though, because I felt the distinct feeling of something crawling under my skin. Oh dear god, it was horrible and I wanted to tear the skin right off my bones, but I couldn’t articulate my limbs in that sleep. The voice was silent for a while and I had awful and graphic dreams about sex with everyone I knew. Why couldn’t I wake up? Why couldn’t I snap out of it? God, at first it was me touching them, my pink nails skimming down their skin…first my boyfriend, my sister, my best friend…and it turned into a horrorshow of my fingers leaking acid into their skin and leaving black track marks like ink down their bodies. Jesus, I have never slept worse in my entire life. The next morning I was a fucking wreck. My eyes bloodshot, my skin pale. The tattoo looked great, though. It was healing nicely. It had bled a little overnight but washing made it feel much less sore. I felt oddly peaceful, given the nightmares I’d had the night before. Something just seemed to go.
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