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John finds this curious, but the old man seems annoyed when John points it out (or for a touch of humor, John was wearing a nametag all along?) The old man directs John to a certain magical curio that will solve all of John's personal problems by changing him into a girl named Mary. John is warned the change will be permanent if he does not exercise caution and follow the old man's peculiar advice to the letter. John agrees and pays an arbitrary sum of money to the old man, but fails to follow the instructions (or perhaps the old man's instructions were deliberately unclear?) John is changed into a blonde, large-breasted, bimbo named Mary. He finds himself constantly giggling and unable to think about anything but clothes, make-up, and sex. He consistently wears dresses and skirts and high heels, and discovers he now knows how to use make-up and style his hair quite proficiently. Eventually, John realizes that he's much happier as a woman (and anyway, the magical change had been. I grabbed him by the arm and started steering him toward the street. ‘You know, they’re called beer goggles because they make you see things differently. That girl was hideous.’ ‘No way. I mean, she was a little chubby, but her face was aight’ ‘Whatever, Captain Ahab. Let’s go. Shall we continue this evening’s debauchery at the other bar, or are you too burned out?’ ‘I’m pretty beat. Plus I gotta be home. The wife’ll be angry’. Well, she wasn’t his wife, but she might as well have been. There was no question Liz owned Tim’s balls. I was surprised she let him out for some fun…what ever happened to our salad days? Suddenly conscious of the cumulative effect of all the Yuengling I’d consumed, I closed my eyes to regain my focus. I watched Tim walk away to the Metro stop, and decided that I’d head over to see some friends of mine at the Nines. My feet stratched the loose grit on the asphalt as I crossed the intersection, my mind a complete drunken blank, lost in my own thoughts. As I.
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