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You have to figure out what you want. And be honest with yourself. Do you know?”“I do. I want to go back to like it was.”“I’m not sure that’s possible if you mean pre-Jennifer.”“I do. And you might be surprised what Jennifer wants. She and I have talked. She’ll tell you. And I think she’s being honest, but you’ll have to judge for yourself.”“You have to know that I don’t believe there is any chance of a long-term, romantic relationship with you now, or in the future. You would be content with being my friend and having sex now and again? What do you want out of life? Surely more than that!”“I do. But that’s way in the future. I want to go to college. Then I’ll be ready to settle down. Until then, I want to have fun. I want you to be part of that. I know we aren’t going to be boyfriend and girlfriend now, probably never, as you say. I may find that person in college, I may find them after college, but until then, I just want to have fun.”“And if I’m not interested? Or Jennifer isn’t. I have never felt so encompassed, so completely touched. His arms were only touching my waist, our bodies only touching slightly, but to hear my body, heart, and soul tell it, I was a part of this man. Every inch of what we were, joined. Encompassed, touched… loved. Even as I shook my head to deny the truth, he pressed his lips to my temple, feeling the beat of my heart. Damning me for a liar. And I let go. All the fears, all the realities, all the pain, the hurt, life. Wrapping myself around him, allowing myself to be with him. Simply, purely, completely with him. Finally. And in letting go, I found it. Everything I had feared and longed for. Sought and hid from. Right here in this man, this poet, the touch and breath that I had come to depend on. Twining my arms around his neck, speaking without words, hoping he knew. Daring to hope he could read me as well as I had come to know him. And I saw his pain, his fears, my heart breaking. God, to make it all right. To be able to show.
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