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I decided that she neededto know what had transpired in Dr. Ramirez's office just now. I was sopissed off and hurt and scared that I didn't know what to do. I brokedown over the phone. "Sweetie...don't cry! Don't worry...I'm gonna go to themall real quick and get you something to help with your tits." "ThanksJess" I said In between sobs. What did we do? Why did I have to be theone having to go through with the trial? I feel like Jess hasn't had anyissues so far and everything is happening to me. I needed to just go homeand lie down. I got home fairly quickly. Jess was still out at the mall.Perfect...Time for some sleep.I could hear the noise of children playing and running around. I openedmy eyes. I was standing at a playground and it was a beautiful sunny dayoutside. I looked to my left and saw Jess sitting alongside me on thebench watching the children play. "Wow Chris. I can't believe this isgoing to be our life soon. I'm so glad I get to share the joys of being aparent with you.". Sometimes though, life doesn’t go as planned. “Sweetheart, you know I won’t leave Michelle.” Then I had to tell her what I really didn’t want to, but felt that I had to, “I’d like for you to start seeing other guys anytime you want, I want you to have a family of your own and that won’t ever happen with me.” That was one of the hardest sentences I think I’d ever had to say. Losing her would be like cutting off an arm or worse. She deserved a family, a husband and kids, things I knew she couldn’t ever have if she stayed with me. She wiped a tear from her cheek, I wanted to kiss it away, “But I’m perfectly happy now. What I want is to keep seeing you, even if can only be part time, I don’t need more than that.” I held her hand, “I know. But if there’s ever someone you want to go out with, I want you to know that it’s okay with me.” She told me that if it ever happened, that she would. It made me cringe a little inside, but I didn’t want her to know that. Somehow it seemed different.
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