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If I have come to know you three, you have certainly come to know me and the way my mind and heart works. But, you might think this is the most bizarre so far.”They laughed. “Maybe, dear Maia. Maybe. But, at some point we have faith you’ll exceed even whatever this is?” That made me laugh, too. I really did love these guys. I couldn’t be more comfortable and at ease. And, I couldn’t have more trust and respect than I had for these three. Except, how I felt about my parents. This relationship had quickly passed the point of comfort with sex and being a part of a team. It had evolved well beyond that, becoming much deeper for me and in a way tying them even together closer, as a result. I appeared to be a bond that brought all of us together and held us together. Tupac was the leader, without question, but I was the one who provided that something else outside of the command decision needs.I told them what I had in mind and their mouths gaped open. We had done parts of it but not all. Maybe I didn’t do everything I could have … but I don’t know what I did or didn’t do that would make her unhappy.’ ‘That’s what makes it worse … when you don’t know why.’ she said almost absently. There was a pause for a few moments and then she turned to me again. ‘Would it be different if she had died in a car accident or some other tragic event?’ I thought about it for a minute. ‘Yes. It wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t see her again and I wouldn’t have been able to stop it from happening.’ ‘So this is really about your feeling guilty then?’ ‘Why do you say that?’ ‘What else is it? You’re upset because you’re convinced that you didn’t do something that would have prevented the divorce. You blame yourself.’ ‘What’s the alternative?’ ‘Maybe she wasn’t in love with you in the first place. Maybe you were just a convenient stopping point for her. Maybe she used you for a while to get her own life in order. Did you think of that?’ ‘No! I can’t believe that. We were great together. I was.
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