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The feel of him carving a place inside my body as he thrusts in and pulls out, slow at first then savage. ‘Stop. It,’ I growl, beating my thighs to distract myself from the pain in my heart. ‘You’re being dramatic. It’s just a guy.’ But even as the words leave my mouth, as I try to convince myself with lines I delivered to friends in coffee shops who cried over the breakup of their two-week relationship, I know it’s bullshit. Leo will never be some guy. He is the guy. And I know if things were different he’d be my guy. ‘But they aren’t,’ I say, forcing myself up and bracing my arms on the sink. A red cheeked and puffy-eyed girl stare back at me in the mirror. I haven’t been that girl in years. I hate that girl. ‘Move on,’ I grit, starting hard at myself, willing my reflation to change. ‘Deal with it and move on.’ July 10 I’m sick of myself. Despite my determination to move on, my body has other plans. Life, as it understands, has ended. Everything is a chore from eating to. He visibly flinched at what I told him then he nodded, his face grim in the wan dashboard lights.“The park does have that reputation but this is the first incident there. A police unit cruises by there every hour or so but they don’t patrol it on foot. I’ll report what you saw to Captain Sullivan and see what he says.”“I didn’t know Robert was gay, he always had a pretty girl hanging on his arm,” Valeria said and she sounded shocked.“He was probably bi, Val, that’s not uncommon these days. In fact there is a subculture of men who identify themselves as straight but who have secret homosexual liaisons. They call it being on the down low,” George explained.I was no sooner back in my room that my phone rang. The caller ID indicated that it was Michael, the same Michael who had been absent all day. I answered with a terse “hello”.“Hi, Andrea. Sorry I wasn’t there today, but someone had to run the office with Derek gone,” he said self-importantly.“I understand Michael,” I said even though.
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